The Day I Remembered My ONLY Brother was a Homo...

I was all prepared to come home from work & blog all about my awesome birthday trip to Cali...but then I made the every night mistake of checking Ryan's blog. Every time I make that mistake...I shake my head to myself & wonder how/why A) someone married him B) we are truly related C) why that someone is still married to him...I have no answers...

Here's the thing...for some reason my brother is retarded...at first I used to think it was mild retardation & that it was mostly because he's a boy...but the more I read his blog...the more severe I realize the retardation is...

#1 - no traffic cop wants to hear ANY excuse because they've heard them all...& further more...he's a traffic cop...no excuse is gonna get you outa that ticket. He lives to write you that ticket...not because of a quota, but because his family is at home having Sunday brunch & he's sitting in the median of some highway in the middle of nowhere...& he's thinking he's made some effort to make that deserted highway safer...blah blah blah...he probably speeds worse than you...so ha ha...& I'd write you a ticket on a Sunday morning...then go eat my donut & chuckle the rest of the day that I didn't let you say one (1) word of BS & you took it in the rear with that expensive ticket I wrote you in your hand...while you bitch & complain to everyone you know about what an ass that stupid red headed cop was on that highway in the middle of nowhere...& then laugh harder that you would pay all that money & I wasn't even radar certified... :)

#2 - no sagebrush wants to see your package...trust me...I've seen it...I'm surprised Michelle sticks around to see it...lol...remember that time you were in the shower in Mom & Dad's bathroom...& I turned out the lights so you would get out naked & turn them back on..?? lol...it must have been a cold shower..!! :) You did nearly slip & fall when you saw me standing there laughing...that was almost worth the visual of you in your birthday suit..!!

#3 - People named Richard aren't always right...but they are always a dick... :) For some reason the two (2) people in my life named Richard seem to think they are always right...always justified...always the smarter one... Unfortunately for them...they are both as retarded as the other...& I can kick the younger one's butt from here to that highway in the middle of nowhere...too bad Ryan wasn't at the party on Saturday...Chelle & I both coulda kicked some butt..!!