The Boy

I spent a few hours cleaning out the "workout" room upstairs this weekend. There were a few things that needed boxed up and put in the garage, equipment put away, the closet needed gone through, etc. While getting this task completed, I came across all of my year books...two from junior high and all four from high school. Luckily for everyone, I opted NOT to show any of the photos I found of myself...but I did find one of my brother that made me miss him OH SO MUCH.

As much as I love my sisters, there is no way to explain how much I love my only brother. We became friends the summer before my freshman year of high school...only because we didn't want to look like idiots on the EFY trip. Ryan approached me with a "deal" that made perfect sense: we would ACT/PRETEND as if we were the best of friends, so all of our actual friends wouldn't know how many times a day we tried to kill each other/get each other grounded/hit each other/etc.

The "plan" worked...too well. We had such a good time being "friends" on that trip, we remained friends from that day forward. He drug me to cross-country practice, church dances, school activities, etc.

When he graduated, I was NOT happy. Just before my sophomore year he moved to Provo to attend BYU. Life at home was never the same without him. That was the year my mom was sick, so he did get to come home often. My dad even flew him home to surprise me on my 16th birthday- he was my "official" first date that night.

After his mission, he moved back in for the summer before heading back to BYU. We spent hours talking and wasting time car shopping. I got married the next Spring (1999) and he married Michelle the following Christmas. Our relationship has never quite been the same, but I have never forgotten all those hours of pretending to be friends...that turned into one of the best friendships I've ever had.

A couple of years ago, Ryan was in town on business for a day or two. He called and asked me if I had time to meet him for a few minutes; I was on duty and he was in the area. We stood in the parking lot at the Taco Bell (19th & Bethany Home) and talked for about an hour. I remember standing there listening to my only brother and seeing him for the first as a man...not my brother, not the guy I wanted to beat-up every day growing up...but a man. A father. A husband. A son. A brother. A man.

I remember feeling so content when he left. Happy that he was happy. I love him so much and still miss him everyday. Richelle and I often bring up "Ryan" stories...or stories about "the boy"...or "angel boy". We usually end up laughing...sad that he isn't here to laugh with us, but nearly peeing our pants from the hilarious memories.

I wish I could find pictures/video from the Christmas Eve we spent together...the one with our "happy place." That will forever be one of my fondest memories...I think Regina may have peed her pants that night (but just a little).

I hate every single day that he lives somewhere else. I hate that we don't get to spend time together. I hate that we don't get to spend girl time with Michelle. I (really) hate that his girls don't know us was well as they should. I hate all of it...I understand all of it, but I still hate it.

(**Don't take this wrong...I still think he's a total homo AND he was treated TOTALLY different than us girls growing up!!)